Losing someone is painful. It hurts on so many levels. It takes us through many different emotions. We FEEL so much.
I've watched loved ones as they take some of their final breaths. I've experienced grief and loss from a very young age. It doesn't matter if you can prepare for it or it is sudden...it all feels the same.
Loss can be death. It can be divorce or breakup. It can be a job. It can be moving homes. It can be watching your children grow up and move out. A miscarriage or abortion. Loss can be a part of yourself that you change or let go of. Even when loss is for a 'good' reason, it can still move us through the stages of grieving.
So many celebrities have passed over in such a short period of time. Most recently was David Bowie and Prince. It has really got me feeling and thinking about life and living life.
I have been moving through the stages of grief and loss myself again. It seems to be a part of my life that needs some healing and awareness. Losing loved ones at such an early age and the effect of being a child of divorced parents, the pain of loss is no stranger to me. My old way was to stuff it in and ignore it as much as I could. Of course I would cry and feel, but I did my best to stifle most of the feelings in...creating a toxic cycle of suffering. I can CHOOSE to suffer in the pain or move the energy. Moving this energy helps me to get unstuck and keeps me from reliving the event over and over again. This time, I give myself time and space to allow the tears to flow. To allow my anger to move through me with yoga, hiking or some form of movement. I allow my feelings to be acknowledged. Taking care of myself - self care and self love.
What really has me feeling is this - life is short, and we never know when it will end for anyone. I want to spend my time and energy surrounded with others that also want to spend time and energy with me. Period. No one will ever say "Oh Shannon was such a wonderful person, she had the best coffee table ever". I mean really. We work to acquire shit that gets worn, outdated or god-forbid...someone has a bigger one, so we NEED it also. We work to buy crap to fill a void that is meant to be filled with human connection - with LOVE. Spend time and energy on building lasting relationships with the people in your life, and the rest will fall into place. You will feel happy. You will feel loved. You will feel peace. You will know the meaning of joy.
When the people you love, pass on, you will have memories that make you smile, laugh and cry all at the same time. You will be so filled up inside, that you won't need to go buy the latest Apple product just to get the quick-fix...because that high lasts about a day, or a week. A friendship lasts a lifetime.
I have learned to spend energy where energy is spent - what you give, you get back. So when your friend passes on, you will grieve this loss. You will hurt and feel pain. But you won't regret not loving them. You won't regret, because you loved, you gave time and energy - and that is exactly what you got back. Memories full of all the time and energy spent with the people you love.
Do it now. Don't put off what you want to do now. Regrets are only thoughts of things we really wanted in our heart and didn't go for it. Take the risk. The latest TV will still be on the shelf next Christmas - you can never get back time.
Loss and grief is a huge lesson on letting go. Sometimes our pain is so deeply rooted, that we cannot move through this on our own. Please seek out the help and support of others to help see you through - friends, therapists, spiritual groups etc. You are never alone - there is always support. xoxo